Friday, April 15, 2011

Today's Stupid News

Because I'm running late for physical therapy, I'm sprinting down the steps of the parking deck just a few minutes ago when my right foot gets tangled up in my flouncy bell-bottomed pants leg. In order to avoid the pain of landing face first on the concrete and to give me enough time to recover, I jump up my left foot and lunge forward over and down the last three steps, removing my right foot from its trap and landing squarely at the bottom landing, never missing a beat. This undoubtedly made no sense to the man behind me who, I'm sure, could only assume I'm so freaking happy that it's Friday that I jump for joy with a cute little back kick....and all in 2 1/2 inch heels.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011


Amazonian IS a word.

Today's stupid news

I had a parking deck incident this morning. Don’t ask why I parked in the handicapped spot, just know that I did and it was only going to be for a minute AND, I spoke to the security guard who allowed it beforehand. So. I parked in the handicapped spot this morning for just a minute. As I’m pulling in, I hear this horrible scrrrrrrrrrrape…..FYI, for those of you who don’t know….I drive a Tahoe.  Fortunately, the luggage rack on top was flexible enough to bend itself underneath a 12-inch thick concrete beam (which had absolutely NO business being there, by the way) and came out all in one piece on the other side. The problem? How to back out of the handicapped spot without ripping it off the top of the Tahoe.  After much analyzing (should we let the air out of the tires? should we remove the luggage rack? can we move it forward and backward several times while turning, having only about six inches to work with so that I can drive ACROSS the parking spots and over the curb?), the head of security and I decided to try the moving back and forth escape method. The fifth or sixth time, maybe more, I backed up those six inches, I had turned it enough so that the driver’s side corner of the luggage rack slid underneath the concrete beam. HOPING it would stay true to its flexible nature, I took the chance and backed all the way out. Fortunately, the luggage rack is still on top of the Tahoe, albeit a little worse for wear and tear. But only a 6 foot tall Amazonian man or woman can see the damage….which by the way is the clearance I now know I should pay attention to when driving in parking decks.

How embarrassing is this?

Last Monday, I stopped by the restroom on the way to a meeting. Used a small ledge to put my briefcase, phone, badge and pen on, but added the weight of a roll of toilet paper to keep it from falling off the ledge. So, what did I have in my hand when I walked into her office for the meeting?? All of the above, PLUS the roll of toilet paper.

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